his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
