in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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