I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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