I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
