My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
