You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
