i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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