So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
