i think my tv is drunk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
