i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
