totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
