I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
