I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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