I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
