Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
