um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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