Pappa wants mamma naked
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
