A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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