I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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