all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
