I can text with my tongue
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
