Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
