My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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