Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
