The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
