Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
