I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
