But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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