When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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