super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
