i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
