I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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