My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
