I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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