I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
