see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
