he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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