he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
