We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
