Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
