so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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