Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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