sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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