Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
