i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
