whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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