So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
