So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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