I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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