I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
