okay pat passed out under dana's car
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
