the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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