Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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