Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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