my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its not stalking. its research.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
